The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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