alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
