I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
