How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
