some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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