so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
