This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
