Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
