My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
