Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
