I showed him my bush... on skype.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Even my vagina gasped.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
