Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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