She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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