I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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