i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
