I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
