Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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