he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
