I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
