Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
