why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
