Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
