the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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