you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize