Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
