i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize