Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
