At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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