For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
