Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
