Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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