D3 body, D1 cock
i came on her dog
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize