I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
