she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
