i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
