dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
