found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
