sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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