I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize