I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
