I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
