YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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