I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
