I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
