Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
