I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
