I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
