well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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