No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
