I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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