He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
