You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Two words: nipple clamps
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