we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you never un-have a 4some
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
