id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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