Please, let me fuck your mom
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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