We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
