I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Pooping to opera.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
