I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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