I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
