We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize