he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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