i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
