i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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