You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
