Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
