AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
