Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
