That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I party with great urgency now.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
