so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize