You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize